My intention — Take your time

Offering coa­ching and work­shops in Compassionate Communications I wish to sup­port peop­le in re-con­nec­ting with their inner free­dom. Experiencing what is important to our hearts in any given situa­ti­on helps us to step out of a sen­se of iso­la­ti­on and sepa­ra­ti­on.

One access to Compassionate Communication lies in an awa­reness of the inner moti­va­ti­on of peop­le — my own and that of others. This con­scious­ness grows when we expe­ri­ence how needs inform all of our actions and words. All actions are attempts to meet needs.

The most important step in this is to pau­se. The zero step, as my col­league Jim Manske has cal­led it. Taking our time. Before I react to any given situa­ti­on, can I stop and brea­the, con­nect to what hap­pens insi­de? Then I can cho­se my respon­se.

In bud­dhist medi­ta­ti­on prac­tice this is cal­led ‘the sacred pau­se’.

Needs are uni­ver­sal values, by defi­ni­ti­on sha­red by all peop­le invol­ved in a given situa­ti­on. Needs offer the poten­ti­al of con­nec­ting with one’s own deeper mea­ning and with each other, thus fin­ding a com­mon ground for mutu­al under­stan­ding. Peace, deve­lop­ment, love, ener­gy, jus­ti­ce, mind­ful­ness, fun, choice, play are some examp­les of needs.

Therefore my ques­ti­on to mys­elf is: What is my inten­ti­on when I speak to some­bo­dy, when I act in a cer­tain way? What is my moti­va­ti­on and what image of human beings do I have?

My goal is to express my truth in a man­ner, that makes it most likely that the other per­son tru­ly under­stands me and, at the same time, to remain open for all stra­te­gies and to look for solu­ti­ons that work for both of us.

It is not the goal of Compassionate Communication to get my way, wit­hout regard for the needs of other peop­le — it is not the goal, that I am right or that I win. We want to hold up mutu­al respect, hono­ring and open­ness for life-ser­ving needs of all.

I feel inspi­red by a view on human beings, whe­re peop­le from their natu­ral incli­na­ti­on con­tri­bu­te joy­ful­ly to make life of others more beau­ti­ful. We do this when three con­di­ti­ons are met: (1) our con­tri­bu­ti­on is made free­ly with no obli­ga­ti­on, fear or other type of pres­su­re, (2) no need of our own seems to con­flict with the inten­ded con­tri­bu­ti­on and, last not least, (3) we do trust that our needs mat­ter to other peop­le.

Dialogue — based on a clear expres­si­on of my own truth and com­pas­sio­na­te under­stan­ding for others — real­ly is the natu­ral way to help us on this path of com­pas­si­on and honest self-expres­si­on. We are born that way and through our edu­ca­ti­on unlearn the natu­ral lan­guage of life — in fee­lings and needs. Instead, we learn the lan­guage of bla­me, through which we reject taking respon­si­bi­li­ty, becau­se it means we will get punis­hed from the more power­ful others. The bla­me way of com­mu­ni­ca­ti­on tra­gi­cal­ly gua­ran­tees that nobo­dy wih have their needs met.

By way of my work­shop offers I try to co-crea­te spaces, which allow us to expe­ri­ence once more our true inner natu­re and to lis­ten and speak again from our hearts. And, over time, to increa­se our abi­li­ty to also hear the most dif­fi­cult of messa­ges as an expres­si­on of fee­lings and needs and thus con­tri­bu­te to a more peace­ful worlds.