Key Differentiations (KD)

In the process of gradually integrating a compassionate attitude in our life, a number of helpful key differentiations may bring clarity and orientation where we are in any given moment.

Example of key differentiations are the four steps of compassionate communication – each step includes at least one key differentiation: observation or interpretation? – feeling or thought mixed with feeling? – need or strategy? – request or demand?

Over time I want to add here my view on each key differentiation and hopefully succeed in making clear, how these KDs help me to move gradually to a more authentic and compassionate consciousness of interdepence.

25 Key Differentiations found in the CNVC certification package CPP

1. “Being Giraffe” vs. “doing Giraffe”
2. Giraffe honesty vs. jackal honesty
3. Empathy vs. sympathy and other forms of response (fixing, reassuring, storytelling, etc.)
4. Protective vs. punitive use of force
5. Power with vs. power over
6. Appreciation vs. approval, compliments or praise
7. Choice vs. submission or rebellion
8. Observation vs. observation mixed with evaluation
9. Feeling vs. feeling mixed with thoughts
10. Need vs. request
11. Request vs. demand
12. Stimulus vs. causeStimulus vs. cause (Powell)
13. Value judgment vs. moralistic judgment
14. Natural vs. habitual
15. Interdependence vs. dependence or independence
16. Life-connected vs. life-alienated
17. Shift vs. compromise
18. Persisting vs. demanding
19. Obedience vs. self-discipline
20. Respect for authority vs. fear of authority
21. Vulnerability vs. weakness
22. Love as an action vs. love as a need and a feeling
23. Self-empathy vs. acting out, repressing, or wallowing in feelings
24. Idiomatic vs. classical (formal) Giraffe
25. Empathic sensing vs. intellectual guessing