The clarity was about realizing, finally, that accepting what is really and truly doesn’t mean that I have to like it, or to pretend that I am OK with something that isn’t. It only means that I stop long enough to realize that whether or not I like this situation, it is happening, and there is no point in doing anything other than sit still and recognize that it’s happening. No amount of resentment or unconscious magical thinking makes it not be there when it’s there.
The alternative became crystal clear: mourning.
Mourning is the soft, loving cousin of all the feelings that keep our hearts closed. Mourning dissolves the resistance to life, the resentment, the numbness of resignation.
For me, mourning comes with tears and brings me back to life. Mourning allows me to feel just how excruciating something is without having to run away from it. Mourning strengthens me, so I don’t have to put up a shield to protect or fight.
Mourning keeps me human, open, supple.
-Excerpt from “Mourning Our Way to Acceptance” by Miki Kashtan. Full article here.