Need vs. Request (or Strategy)

This is such a crucial key differentiation for me. I just listened to one of the last songs of the Cranberries, In the End. It was published in 2019, after the death of lead singer Dolores O’Riordan. Here is a link to the song. It brings to my heart how important that KD is to me. Really important.

In the End

Ain’t it strange
When everything you wanted
Was nothing that you wanted
In the end

Ain’t it strange
When everything you dreamt of
Was nothing that you dreamt of
In the end

Take my house, take the car, take the clothes
But you can’t take the spirit, take the spirit, take the spirit
But you can’t

It is touching me to read this, inviting to connect to my heart deeper, when I ask myself, why I do the things that I do, in the big lines of my life as well as in the moments of each day.

A need is the deeper spirit or meaning, to use another word that also works for me, behind the concrete actions that we see in the world, our requests and strategies.

The song gives me a sense of deep mourning and wondering – did I lose my time in chasing empty goals, did I miss the deeper needs, was I led astray, confused by not going to the real deep wishes of my heart?

If this would happen on my death bed, surely, this would be a terrible moment of final grief combined with a celebration for waking up in lucidity at least then – better late than never. This is why for me death is like an invitation to turn to the things that really matter to me, relationships, true connection in honesty and understanding, needs mattering for all living beings, gratitude for life and the wonderful gift of spirit.

And from that connection ot my deeper meaning and motivations hopefully my energy will more clearly put love into action in life.

To make sure that requests are doable I want to include five elements of information. These can be memorized by the acronym PLATO – a concrete person P, location L, action A, time T and an object O. Some requests can contain less information, as often a number of these elements are obvious from the context.

Needs on the other hand are universal qualities, that all people concerned in a certain moment have only appreciation for. They are abstract and by contrast, they contain No PLATO – none of the above mentioned elements.

As needs are mostly a learning experience for me, at this point in my life I often take time to ask myself what needs are alive behind the concrete actions and experiences of my life. When I am grateful for something, I first look at the observation and then ask what needs are filled. It makes my emotional experience much stronger when I go that way.